"Click"

I just walked in the door from watching a midnight movie called "Click", with Adam Sandler and Kate Beckinsale in it. There were moments where I almost split my face into halves laughing so hard, while some parts jerked the tears out of me. There I was, sitting in the midst of a crowd of movie goers, I was strung from one extreme end of an emotion to another. It was one of the most entertaining comedy shows I've watched so far this year.

When it comes to movies, it's all thumbs up when I can identify with the characters. Not so long ago, I went through a tad bit of what the Adam Sandler character went through, missing important bits in life. Not by fastforwarding or having my hands on a universal remote control, but I was drowned in work.

While being soaked up in work, I missed good friends' weddings, important gatherings / reunions with friends and family. As much as I was drowned, I was dead to the rest of the world, a zombie that went through the motions of life. Sucked into the vortex of corporatese that knows no boundaries of family life, and personal development, I was milked dry and pressed flat between a hard place and the grind stones of work. I breathe, slept, ate and drank work, a lost cause for someone who has always loved life. I had lost myself then to the materialistic world. Click was almost all about that. Like the character, I was too, reminded at some point, when down in the ruts and the crumbling walls of life, that family must come first, not work.

Work in the old place, makes me shudder. I still wonder in awe how did I give 3 years of my life into such a heartless company then? As heartless as it was, I was in the training to be a hard nut. I became hard to crack - inpenetrable to kindness, and considerableness. All it mattered to me was to get things done and out of the way - I slogged day in and day out. It was all in obligation to the dark side of the world, I became a slave at my own will and TanSri was the pharoah who reigned without the whip. Not that he was any idol, I despised the way he personifies God. We were subjects bent in fear, and it was a reign of fear that he inflicted upon us all - the employees. How I have had gotten into an obligatory position with a sense of having to obey, is plain strange. Almost cultish, and to a point, a form of paganism emerged.

It's no wonder how such paganism seeped into me then, unknowingly, or unconsciously. Having to miss church and all things dear to me due to unreasonable projects and meetings that has to be held on weekends including sundays, I still thought that I was in control of my life. I lost it then, I couldn't see it even if life hits me between the eyes. I was blinded by the need to be promoted, the nasty competitions to stay afloat, the dark politics to keep things in order... keeping the rebellious in line. There is a price to be paid in the form of sacrifices - your family, your time. Like a commodity, I was bought into work. Being paid 30% above market price, I sealed the deal.

With this deal, I paid my dues to my family by being completely short fused, I was lacking in love, grace, respect, faith, hope and sobriety. I was very unlovable then. I could empathise with the character on such unlovableness, and remembered the unattractive side of things that I've then adopted. I did not receive my wake-up call till a couple of years after. Yes, it was my brother who jolted me back to life - my brother told me at the turn of year 2002 that I've changed into a monster. Then only, it clicked into me, I was a monster in the making. Only then did I take drastic moves to apply for another job, a last straw to save my worthiness, or perhaps, self-worth - to be once again, a soul worthy of love for my family's consumption and to all who love / loved me.

Worthiness, at the end of the day, is effort. Likewise with love, one has to work on being lovable to be loved. As for spending time with family, one will have to manage the time and say no to all things that disassembles family ties, and relationship with God. Once again, Click, kudos, you've made it clear to the audience that family comes first. To change for the better, to be a better person for myself, my family and all those around me is something that I remember never to sacrifice. I suppose, in time to come, it'll click on to someone else who used to be in my situation from the old work place, and also the character in Click before it's too late to mend ties, in making life a better journey to experience, and the world, a better place to survive in.