Insidious sickness... begone with you!

I realised that I've abandoned my blog for yonks, but now I'm back in a vow that I will record the times before my upcoming life-changing experience.

I'd like to record here, not to remind others, but solely to remind myself that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Thoughts so dark, dark as can be, because of the unknown, I'm now wondering how will I be when hormonal changes kick in. I will know when post 2/8/13 takes place. I will continue to record even post 4/10/13 takes place.

85% survival is the statistics of my illness, and I'm already lamenting my calamity jane ways, that I may fall into the most fateful 15% or non-survival. I was told off to be negative, but I'm being very realistic as I want to know... I want to know the risks, know what I'm facing... know what are my chances so that I won't be caught dead by surprise. Get the pun?

Questions aplenty I have, and why I am given such great experience, if not a gift! Perhaps it will give light to others, and perhaps it'll make me a better person, not that I'm an insidious little brat :-). Nevertheless, I place my life to the almighty, who will again look after me.

May it be fate, may it be God's Will that I stay behind, or be usurped up above, I will wait upon the time. The time will come, and perhaps the time is now, who knows? Whatever it is, I will reassess, and prepare myself to be ready for the worse. How else can I spur myself to see beyond... yes, hope... the glimpse of hope is what I see. I will put all my eggs in this very basket, and eggs there'll be no more when this ordeal ends, because it's the beginning of the end, and the end is the beginning of a new me. A new is to be immerged, and to be recognised or not, I suppose I will have to firstly answer to myself, and not give a hoot to what others think... afterall, if I expect, I will be disappointed. I shall train myself to not expect, so that I will not hurt, or entertain the thought of disappointment.

Wish me luck or wish me love, but most of all, say a wee prayer for me because I need it. I need to be rid of this insidious little dot that has the potential to take over all means of control in life and in death on earth.