Swept off my feet by coincidence?

I think not, as nothing is left to chances. I don't believe in sheer luck, nor do I believe in coincidences. I believe in pre-destiny, fate, and blessings in life, and most of all God's Will - His loving plan for all of us, individually.

Boxing day brought about my 3rd visit to the church in a row. Believe it or not, this has to do with the symbolic use of the number 3 in scripture. Three is the number which is used to represent things which are "spiritual" in nature. For example, the Holy Trinity is in '3'; at the 3rd crow of the rooster, Peter will deny Jesus; Jesus was tempted 3 times to see if he would succumb "spiritually" to the temptations of the Devil; Jesus rose on the 3rd day after He died on the cross (I hope some of this is making sense). Think of all the events in the life of Christ which took place in series of 3's or dealt with the number 3 in some way. So, the number 3 has to do with the spiritual nature of Jesus. Of course, there are other numbers to consider, Biblically (read this). Numbers are symbolic.

I'm far from being superstitious, but listening to a sermon on 'the Return of the King' in it's signifance of the Holy Trinity from birth to His death on the cross and resurrection + the after effects and the affects in man's hearts and lives + actions.... bumping into old friends in 3s, and forming a prayer meeting at 3pm that afternoon... completely strike out any formation of coincidental occurences. There's something really significant about the number '3' in Russell's, John's and my life on that very sunday.

The year 2004 has been rough for many of us, I'm sure it's in different areas of our lives, of things that we hold dear to our hearts. Still, the pain is the same for all of us - deep, and disturbing and seemingly neverending till we submit to God.

Russell & John are my very dear friends for 15 long years, we were in the same Christian fellowship group. People look up to us, because we were the pillars, we pray for others, we could always see the light at the end of the tunnel. We had hearts so big that we truly, truly love all, including toxic friends and even forgive many dastardly things that others did to us. We even prayed for those who hurt us, in God to change them and bless them. We were disgustingly 'perfect' in human eyes. We were infallible.

Moreover, we could support each other by prayers at any moment that we feel that we are tempted by the ways of the world, or have a thread of worry in our hearts. Even to this day, we could pick up on each other's lives even when we did not meet for months and years.

It's through God, we have a foundation together. Through thick and thin, we watched each other grow up, gone through wretched years together, supported each other in our hardest times, got down on our knees to pray for one another (and together as well), even quarrelled and made up, were mean to each other (in a good way), and also criticised each other mercilessly etc. There's a bond amongst the 3 of us that cannot be broken and watered down over the years, it gets better as the years mature, even we have matured together. Friends of such are like rare jewels these days.

Let me digress a little, and tell you all about Russell and John. Russell's a Meliani, John's a Ceylonese, and I'm Chinese... we've always said that these 3 races can never meet eye to eye, but we're thrown together in this world, if I stood between these two men, we make a good 3-lined zebra crossing. Hah! Anyway, we are still made to be good friends, in spite of our silly racist jokes about our colours!

In our late teens, I went out with John, we were innocent in our dating, we never kissed, just only held hands, hugged each other, and even slept side by side and never were tempted to any carnal, physical feelings. Yet we had lots of talks about the future of having little Johns and little Angelas - even our old friends expect it, even thought we might, one day. It won't happen, we are too phileo ('friendship love' in Greek) that we completely skipped the eros ('physical love' in Greek) bits and hopped on to agape ('unconditional love' in Greek). Even to this day, some old A Levels classmate still refer me as John's Angela, and likewise John as Angela's John. There are so many Johns with John Thomases in my life, but thank God I'm never a Lady Chatterly to any of them (there's a joke somewhere, find it).

Ok, I have digressed enough. Where was I? Yes, our bumping into each other on sunday, unplanned, and not by coincidence at all. We had a long lunch together, we talked for hours. Confessions from both Russell and John that they were having a hard time in wanting to be rid of God's seed in their lives. They couldn't understand why they wanted to tell me about it. They said that they have been avoiding me, knowing that they might change their minds if they meet me. But still, something in them drove them to really see me. My heart sank when I heard that, as in a very human way, such words can really be read into as 'in wanting to call off friendship and finding each not being reliable in times of need). I squealched that, and I listened - really, really listened to their pouring.

Later, I shared with them that I too once dabbled with the idea, but somehow, the seed has been planted, and I am left with no choice but to acknowledge it. God is not letting me go, as every nook and cranny I turn, I'm reminded. I cannot be a black sheep. I have to stay pure and white at all times. In the little sheep penn I stay, chosen and subjected to pre-destiny. I cannot denounce it, I can't because I'm too wise and have tasted God's grace and mercy to denounce God in my life. Acknowledging God's presence. Likewise, Russell and John are no different from me, we hurt the same way, our areas of hurt stems from what we held closest to our human hearts. The years of hurts we have encountered, the numerous times we have stumbled, the vast frustrations we have experienced, the fury we have have enveloped, the depression that we were sucked into, we are tried to the breaking point... even our trust and faith in God stagger and at the tip of losing hope... but right before this happens, we are swept off our feet again by God's grace .... these are all refining processes as in us being 'tried by fire'. Terribly painful are these trials, but they will never destroy us, for the Refiner sits by the furnace tending the flame. God will not allow us to be tried beyond our endurance; it is for our own good - a needed growth in spiritual maturity is to be tried by fire.

The psalmist said in his sorrow, "We went through fire" (Psalm 66:12). How apt this is. We will never be afraid or stay away from heat, if we did not get burnt once by touching a hot surface, likewise, we will not learn from the significance of things around if we are not hurt. Sounds perverted, but let's look at another point - to really know love is to be hurt by love once. Though it could embitter us, but there's something to learn from everything, as there's a reason for everything that occurs in our lives.

Looking back retrospectively, stories I've read of others' trials in life, their testimonies; even those of my friends', my family's, mine all have it's different degrees and angling of painful experiences, but the magnitude of the hurt is no lesser from each. We may not understand why we have to endure such painful experiences. The ordeal seems endless and pointless. Our days are wasted, or so it seems. We feel as if we are doing nothing of lasting significance. BUT, God is doing what matters - we are being refined.

The refining processes will help us acquire patience, meekness, humility, compassion, and other "quiet" virtues our souls naturally lack. Like Job, in all his losses, frustration of being abandoned by God, or so it seems during the height of his depression, God still spoke to him. All present trials, as painful as it may be, must be remembered that everything is screened through God's wisdom and love.

I shared all these with them, that hurt must occur in our lives as a refining process, as we have to be tried by fire. I understand this, I see God's loving plan, I struggled to see it because I held on strong to God's promises at the end of the day. Though my life is never unfurled at one go in front of me, there are still many fears of the unknown in my life, but because I acknowledge that I fear, God deals with me in His time and space. People need the Lord, I need the Lord - I am weak, I acknowledge that. Everything about me, I purport strength, because that's my human shell, but even being strong this way, I still have moments of weakness. I cannot battle the weaknesses without the pillars of strength from God. Prayers strengthen these pillars in my life. I draw strength from His Word, His Grace & Mercy, His Wisdom... and most of all, the help of His Invisible hands. Trusting the Lord, and allowing Him to be in charge of our lives renew our minds, hearts and everything about us, insideout.

The 3 of us, we admittingly agreed that the first step to healing is acknowledgement of what we are - our confessing our fears, our weaknesses, our anger - all that of things that makes us lowly woodworms that are unworthy of love, hope, mercy and grace. This Christmas, the reminder of Christ's birth is significant for the 3 of us, in remembrance of our child-like faith and hope in the past when we first met 15 years' ago. We went through trials and errors, our hearts are embittered in many areas, my eyes have filtered out the many drippings of grace. We are our own making of droppings of disgrace.

Unanimously, we agreed to have a weekly prayer meeting together like we used to back in our college days. Who else did we call? Another trusting old friend, Chu San. Chu San's prayers are always powerful. John always believed that so are mine, since I come from the missionary lineage like Chu San. In that very prayer meeting, I once again loosen my tongue in public praying - I am back to my old days - I was exactly that way more than 10 years ago. I used to pray for many, I don't know how and where did I stuff up to be struggling in the past 10 years, juggling between using my strength and manipulated God's help whenever I cannot handle - I wasn't 100% trusting and letting God take charge all the way. It's no wonder why Christ in all His holiness and immaculate birth took only 40 days' to be lost in the wilderness, and I the sinner, took 10 years. I was very human, I was very flawed, though I live by justice and could never extract the seed of God passed down by my ancestors, not of my choice, but by heritage. Today, God's blessings are still flowed into my life, because of my parents' prayers, my sisters', and grandparents, my greatgrandparents, and so forth. A thousand years is like a day to the Lord, and a day is like a thousand years to the Lord too - God is timeless (2 Peter . God is good, I was given a 100th fold of time to repent, and to be on my knees.

It was the sweetest homecoming ever, a breakthrough, I believe. John, with all his macho demeanor had tears streaming down his face, Russell was sniffling away (he gave some excuse that he had a sudden attack of sinus), but we all understood each other's hearts and desires in life. Neil, another old friend, drove all the way to join the prayer meeting, he was almost telepathic to our calling. Coincidence? No way. Chu San lead in prayer, continuously we had a chain prayer from Neil, and then me and they the cycle repeatedly went on that way - 3s again!

So, coincidence in linking and probably muddling all these together, I think not. I see the connectivity in all that has occured, domino effect in affecting even those around me. Everything made sense. Us '3', knew that our meeting up on Sunday is no coincidence, it was part of God's plan in uplifting us - it's time for the fellowship of man. It's not about pacifying the psyche in putting a reason behind the happenings and hurts in life, or some modern day counselling that eases the mind for a tad bit of time - we're talking about coming back to our feet despite us thinking that we have fallen out of grace. John and Russell confessed that they would not have gone for a prayer meeting and would have denounced God that night if they have not met up with me. I was not the Saviour, I was a tool for God in that day. I couldn't be a useful tool if I did not go through the mill that I went through in year 2004. There are little miracles in life... I felt it, I experienced it, I'm humbled by it all. The fulfillment came in the sense of calmness sweeping me off my feet. It's God's love that has swept me off my feet. That is truly, not coincidental.