Wills and Trust Deeds

Though the Chinese have always believed that 'blood is always thicker than water', it has somehow been thinned down by modernisation and ungrateful children! Alas, materialism and all that jazz of the new age has corrupted these age-old values that many of us Anglosised Chinese still hold on dearly to this day. Most post-modern Chinese have swayed to and fro from Individualism to Culturalism, playing the loyalty game or whichever tactic or strategic that would line their pockets the quickest with $$.

Money and properties could still tempt the once-upon-a-time righteous children to break promises and not abide by their parents' wishes. Even promises given at the death bed goes unheeded and not honoured. Once the umblical cord is cut by death, the siblings denounce their siblinghood relationships, cold-bloodedly, and more ruthless than good ol' Shylock's demand for a pound of flesh. The fear of God's wrath and the return of Daddy's spirit just do not ring a bell in their heads!

The smell of hate reeks from their breaths, the cutting words spewed amongst siblings inflict internal bruises and add salt to gaping wounds. Not even the miraculous works of accupuncture or accupressure, or the bitterest of all researched western medicines could relieve it's pain or heal it. Even if there is ever healing and forgiveness, the scars are left there for good, a constant reminder of a painful experience. Such, are the seeds sown to begin a nuclear family.

It's not a tale, it's not a figment of the imagination, neither it is an exaggerated hypothetical finding! As year in and year out, we hear from the grape vine of family friends, or friends of a family friend, or whoever, would have a cheating-sibling-story. It's indeed, a sad fact these days and also of yesteryears that such things do happen. All of them stories trace back to the same dependence and absence - the absence of a Will and Trust Deed and unequal sharing of properties to children that range from more to less favourite ones, and the dependence on the Verbal promises and expectations for children to understand traditions and cultures of the forefathers.

It's pure crap, but somehow, the lesson is never learned, as every parent is so sure that their children will always be good. They look at others' problems with a bystander effect, shake their heads from left to right on 'how bad others' children are, but luckily mine are not that way', but never foresee that one day, they could suffer the same fate... a breed of bad blood in the so-believed pure line of good blood. Hence, the thought of putting things down in black and white is like forming a curse into the family, a distrust ... no parent want this 'distrust' disease that would break the unity of the family.

The writing of wills and trust deeds are probably just never a Chinese thing, as it's deemed to be a Western ideology of distrusting the next of kin. Such legal paperworks are avoided like plague as perceived as shameful to having spell out everything to someone else outside of the family, like a lawyer or a Will writer. All information is to be kept intact, and inhouse.

Whether it is out of fear in allowing others to know how much, or how little wealth there is in the family, or it's just some twisted pride in by being in denial, or perhaps out of plain foolishness, I am still left flabbergasted with the whole idea of those who do not want to write wills and trust deeds! Any suggestion from children for parents to draw legal paperworks of such are seen as a form of disrespect to parents' wishes, a lack of filiality, appreciation and consideration for their immediate lineage.

By excerpting the sea of unreasonableness of the whole madness of 'No Will, No Trust Deeds', I was stopped short of continuing, even to an extent of being verbally warned that I may risk of being disowned! All these 'words and the way of the forefathers' go without questioning, it's the rule of the thumb, it's final - halt the questioning, you're just wasting your time and energy trying to understand the logic behind it. There's just no existence of logic - just accept and absorb the 'word of the father' like a filial child... don't be a prodigal daughter!

Traditionally, sons and daughters are trained from a young age to understand that only those who will carry the surname, the lineage, the pride will inherit lands and properties. While the sons become over-indulgent with the inheritance and the expectations of being provided for, the mothers suffer the frugality of their husbands in teamed-sacrifice to give the children the best of the best. Finally, the daughters, oh the poor daughters are given a conditioned opportunity to have 'some' rights as the sons - via education - however, they are still trained to be both caregivers and slapped on obligatory roles to serve the family till they are married off.

It's already bad enough having to have birthed daughters who will marry off and change their surnames, a complete depletion of the family line! Hence, what's the use of having a Will and a Trust Deed unless one has more than 2 sons in the family? As long as there's an only son in the family, everything goes to the 'male heir'.

With much squabbling, pails of tears being shed and many heartaches, my relentless words to my parents finally took effect. Thy Will will be done, and thy Trust Deed will be done too! Why am I so relentless and will not let go of this case? My brother has said many cruel things to me, in which I cannot be forgiven and overlooked. There's no such thing where people say things that they don't mean. If they can verbalise it, it means they have been thinking about it! Whether the words take the forms of action eventually, no one will ever know - the risk will always be there!

I will always remember grandpa, who is greatly admired by many, and has the wisdom of an old man from the woods, still never had the wisdom to love daughters and grandaughters. He however, quipped one day of a Chinese / Hakkha proverb (directly translated, ok?) while we were having dinner together as a family : If you continuously knock consistently on a hard rock, it will eventually crack'. I was a wee child then, why I remembered his words, I don't know... I suppose it made sense. Anyway, grandpa is altogether another story that I will blog about one day... Anyway, equipped with his wise words and ceaseless prayers and tears, I have put in all my patience and relentless rapping into my parents' heads not to be blind and be fair to the unmarried daughters who will need their monies one day and not subsidise the already-indulgent-brother who has land titles, bungalow, shop shares, market shares... and still have a house in the city that must be subsidised by the higher income earners of sisters!

My sister and I spoke for ages early this morning, and I reported that all things are on the way - I got my lawyer friend to draw the Trust Deed, and have another friend to help Daddy write the Will. We girls truly do not want the properties and the bungalow or whatever monetary things Daddy has, we are happy with his decision to give whoever he wants as it's his right and properties. We just do not want to subsidise for our brother in a house that is under the pretext of a 'family house' that is under his name. He already treats both sis and I like shit, with all the verbal abuse and bullying attitude despite us being so forgiving and nice to him, and continuously cook and buy him things. It's all love loss, and affection down the drain. It's only sensible to have the Will and Trust Deed drawn to safeguard the interests of the daughters to not lose their savings in vain for their own future to an ungrateful brother. *Sigh*My sister and I will finally close the chapter on this case, and sleep in peace tonight.