The Blessed Trinity

'In the name of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit' are the exact words that I end my prayers each time. It's a closing that I am used to - I have no further explanation to why I end my prayers that way.

I have not dedicated a writing to the All-seeing Sovereign, my personal Saviour for a very long time, and I've decided to blog it tonight after reading a booklet on God's Will. How profound are the readings, and how it hit me between the eyes of times where I rely on my human strengths to deal with my very human weaknesses.

For those who followed my blogs, you would have realised that I had some hard times over the months, and especially of recent times. I was close to being depressed and at the brink of devastation. I even used my psychological theories to force my mind into adaptating and digesting the situation so that I will eventually move on to accepting things as they are. The emotions are very difficult to handle, and they hurt very deeply, because I relied on my human eyes, reasonings, ears and mouth to deal with the situation. Everything fell into an illogical mass, a spinning in the head that seems to be endless.

If it wasn't for my sister's almost-telepathic call that night, I would have not dedicated and submitted my situation to God. It isn't that I am faithless, it's how the evil one will intervene and block your senses to realising God is the answer, and all I need is to surrender in humility for Him to deal with me, the parties involved and all that constitutes the situation that gave rise to my dilemma then. God is good, and He is the all-seeing presence in our lives, and I know this by both theory and practical. God does not reveal His Will at one go, it's with obedience and faith that we will be save in His arms and guidance that will help us come out of the darkness and into the light.

Relying on the self is almost hopeless at times, though I have my pride in self-counselling myself, in which had many a time, brought me out of small doses of helplessness. It is a longer route, but it was dealt in a very weak human way. The times whenever I allow the breath of God to fill my senses, I know, and really did heal and get back to my feet much faster. It's obedience and faith.

I'm not ashamed to say that I'm weak without God, because I understand the need to be humble in seeking God's Will. I remember a friend once told me that 'only weak people need God'. I disagree with this, because we humans are all flawed, and generating strength is only in the mind and heart, but there's a limit to it - a breaking point where the human animal, will break down. I'm talking about breaking down in terms of feeling completely helpless, not seeing the positiveness of things, not seeing that there is something to learn in God's time when you are plonked in a bad situation.

I learned the another perspective of things, in my moments of weakness, awakened to seek His help and intervening powers in a situation that I'm concerned of. Such goodness there is in God's overflowing grace, where He gave me peace, a peace that I find is miraculous. I couldn't believe it myself at first, I had to walk over to my dressing table, looked into the mirror, wondered about what had happened earlier - it was the understanding of forgiveness of the situation, of him and of myself - it's all God's wondrous work. The air seemed lighter in my room that night, the oppressive weight in my heart and the gloomy cast of darkness left my mind - my soul was uplifted. That night, I felt that I was sleeping in a room filled with Angels. No, I'm not mad. I know what you are thinking. This is not psychological in my opinion, because the burden was erased there and then. It's a little miracle.

This time round, it was via my dedicated prayers that helped me through my hard times. It's truly a miracle, in where many layman and unbeliever of God would see it as a coincidence. What else can I prove by this? First a call from my sister, then Mag called up, and the next day, it was a colleague at work, Lai Lai. My sister reminded me to give it to God, Mag fasted and prayed for my situation, Lai Lai who didn't know a thing, just popped out of the blue and showed me booklets from the Methodist Church in where her boyfriend attends, she asked me if I was interested in them. I looked at them. Usually, I'm a little proud of knowing things of such, and I would not want to look at such things. BUT, this time, I paused and took up each booklet, read it's title, and just and as simple as that, I felt reminded of things that I knew I know all about, but did not apply at my times of need.

Why wasn't I able to apply them in my daily life when I'm facing trials and tests in life? It hit me there that to be helped, you need to allow yourself to be helped. God shows the way, but it's your choice too, when you postpone it, or reject it. So, there I was, I wanted to be reminded, and I willingly felt that this is the time of need, and I agreed to purchase them from her.

I read them, and I felt that I was filled with peace and understood the needs to go through the hardships in life, while being completely focused on God, trusting faithfully that He will be there and not abandon me. If things on this earth does not work out like the way my human needs want it, there is a reason for God to lead me to greater things. The Blessed Trinity, the sacrifice of Christ on the cross for my sins, God's omnipotence, the presence of the Holy spirit in intervening situations... do I need any proof to believe. No, to me, this is sufficient. A layman might find this conceited, or that I'm in denial, or probably completely lost my head, but it's by faith that one must rely on, and the understanding of God's overflowing Grace and Love is the main reason in giving us hope for a better tomorrow.