Soccer in the Tummy

A parent came over to talk to a heavily pregnant colleague who was seated at the entrance reception together with me for Sunday's Open Day duty, "Are you experiencing a soccer game inside your tummy?" Christina didn't quite understand what the man meant, and I quickly translated that in Chinese for her, and only then she started laughing.

The parent continued advising us as 'future Asian mothers' that our husbands must be able to take care of us and 'love us to death' as it's such a beautiful gift to men if a woman is willing to go through the sacrifice of carrying a baby to full term, and go through the pains of childbirth, and nurture the baby and raise them to be good citizens of the society.

'My first child was born 28 years ago followed by another two who is now 25 and the youngest is 17 years old. I can't appreciate and love my wife enough for being there for our children and me. I express this everytime, and it's such a pleasure to see the joy in her face and also in my children's... I hope both of you ladies here have a man who love and appreciate you like the way I do with my wife', said the parent.

Both Christina and I smiled, and Christina started to tell the parent in comprehensible English that her husband loves her very much, and would massage cream onto her stomach, and didn't mind all the stretch marks she's having. She said she is worried to death that the marks will not go away, and her husband assured her that she will always be beautiful in his eyes, and the marks won't make a difference to mar her beauty. I thought that was the sweetest thing that a man could assure his wife. For that moment, the back of my eyes sting a little bit with unshed tears, as I wonder whether I will one day have this in my life.

'I'm so happy to hear that, and I hope God will bless you with many good children. Don't forget to love your parents too eventhough you have a good man in your life. You know, I must admit that my youngest, a daughter, is the easiest to raise and really knows how to love her parents. My sons are a little less expressive, as they didn't quite take after my expressive nature, but both my missus and I are blessed and our sons come home all the time. Nevertheless, I hope whether you are carrying a little girl or a boy inside, you should give unequal love because when they grow up, they have different ways of expressing their love for their parents - expressing less doesn't mean they love you less. Hey, we are Asians, we are cursed with a lack of expression, but I remind my children everyday that love in your heart is to be expressed, and not to be kept hidden,' said the parent with a really big smile that almost split his face into halves.

So, that led on to many more bits of advise of childcaring and raising children, which I eventually tuned off and was catapulted into my own little world of thoughts. I think 'soccer in the tummy', is not to be experienced by every woman.

Though I know of my spinster friends who seemed all hardy and hardlined with their exterior and outlook in life to those who do not know them. But I know the deepest feelings they have inside them since we are so close and share everything of our fears and expectations in life. They always advise me that I should never be like them, as I'm still young, but their time has passed them by. They have learned to make themselves happy with what they have since they just knew that they should never marry for less, but always marry for equality, if not more. Neither the 'equality' nor the 'more' ever came - they were too fussy and choosy.

I will always remember a passage that I read once about the 3 different types of women in the world: 1) Those who would just marry anyone because it's time - they are neither choosy nor fussy; 2) Those who would have a specific type of man in their minds but when the time comes, they will compromise to marry the moment they sense that the man has some qualities to their specific type - they are choosy, but not fussy; 3) Those who have a specific type of man in their minds, and they will rather stay single and not marry till they meet this man of their dreams - they are both choosy and fussy. Thus, my dearest unmarried girlfriends all fall in category 3.

Many friends of my contemporary have taken option item #1 and #2, and myself and a few are still in category #3. If 'soccer in the tummy' is so important, I fear that I could be tempted to fall out of #3 and slip into the oblivion of #2. Only time will tell, but chances are that, I'm too mule-headed to consider #2.