Can't be better friends with your own kind?

I used to wonder too... hmmm... but my case is backed up with unsavoury experiences with my own kind in West Malaysia, and that's the Malaysian Chinese! Perhaps I'm still the same ol' small town girl who is bred and raised in Sabah. Or... perhaps what one of my old University friend said is true, 'There are no real friends after the age of 18'. He could be correct, as I left Sabah at the age of 19, and only went back home for short spurts of visits.

Over the many years of hearing those negative words of friendship, 'There are no real friends after the age of 18', I was still holding on to my ol' notion that 'it depends on the individual'. True enough, there are a few very good Chinese Malaysian friends amongst the majority of stinky ones that I've come across. These friends are staying in my heart for life!

To date, I have more Malay and Indian friends than Malaysian Chinese ones, as they have more 'milk of human kindness' in comparison. I wouldn't say that all Chinese stinks as I've proven to myself that they are quite a few that are worth my while and are not toxic friends. Somehow, there's still a larger majority of those who are too calculative to be good friends with, eventhough I'm still friendly and polite to them.

Here I am, always being generous with friends when they need favours etc, but when it's my turn to ask for a favour, it seems that the Malays and the Indians are more willing to help me than the Chinese ones. If you're talking about betrayal of friendship and when you need them the most... they turn their backs on you... but more so of my kind of race, sadly. So, how not to treasure the different races more if my experiences headed and are still heading that way?

Malay and Indian friends alike have brought this up before, "Hey, I've noticed that you get along more with Malay and Indian people, ah?" Yes, and no. I've come across stinky-attitude and superficial Malays and Indians as well, but somehow, LESS in numbers when compared to my own kind... again!? On the contrary, 'a few' of the Malaysian Chinese would pose me this question, "How come you can get along with the Malays and Indians, ah?" It's all in the attitude, isn't it? There you go... questions from different poles! Still, the end result is that there are more 'better' friends of other races than my own kind eventhough I've tried hard. Can't be stereotyping races eventhough it's tempting to when one has bad experiences? People are people, and there are unique individuals out there, and this is still not stopping me from making friends with my own kind. They are only bad when they are proven to be in the end.

I wouldn't know how to begin my many tales of trial and error... the heartbreak, and intense hurt and shock - and still proven to be as per the above mentioned. I used to think that perhaps as an East Malaysian, I was not directly affected by the 1969 'May 13th' incident, hence less bitter and less individualistic... and more 'for my own self only' kind of mentality... perhaps to sum this up is that I could be more naive and never quite learned my lessons of the many friendship faux pas? Who knows? Whatever it is, the past should stay as the past, and each person should be treated as an individual and not lumped up with another person of the past. As a lesson to all, instead of holding grudges, one should just let go of the past and call it a 'not meant to be friends?' There's no reason for me to hold a grudge, I'd say if I go by this philosophy.

This trial and error of friendship has even come to an extent that my family thinks that I am a bad reader of characters, as I have so many friends who have double-crossed, front-stabbed and back-stabbed me. Mostly are unfortunately friends made after I was 18 years of age (there you go, my old University mate, as you could be right!). Nevertheless, my family once said, "Didn't you learn all about characters in your Psych classes? How could you misread about this and that person?". No way, my classes are not skewed towards the nature of my personality... and how I make friends? Come to think of it, there are of course, theories, but who the hell would make friends via a set of theories? Well, I deserved to be nagged by parents, as I'm so dead honest with them, and tell them almost everything... and when I get nagged, I regret telling them... but soon after, I'd forget about the nags and repeat the same cycle of telling them again! Well, that's because 'blood is thicker than water?' or rather an open communication to me! (ok, ok... that's a different skew altogether! I just wanted to say this, ok?).

So, personality-wise, maybe I'm the one who's a little 'off'? I'd rather think 'unique' hehe... but of course, I'm different, as any other person to the next. I'm of a different make-up pool of genes from my set of parents and heritage. Then again, a lot of my Sabahan and Sarawakian friends are like me as well? That's it, we're a different breed altogether! Nope, not the ones that live on the tree, but the ones who are more small-town and naive in nature? Perhaps all of us are that way?

Whatever it is, being kind and good to others still top the list... and that's a good approach not only in a Christian manner, but also of all religious manner? I just can't adopt that 'berkira' (calculative) behaviour of how much I give is how much a reap kind of thing. In one's lifetime, if one wants to do such kinds of balance sheet, there's just no true meaning of friendship. Indeed, indeed... I am sorry for those who have never tasted the sweet meaning of true friendship, your own kind or whatever kind there is out there.