Coping with Infidelity

Introduction

The act of disloyalty, better known as 'infidelity' in a relationship is almost as old as time. Cheated spouses, partners or girl/boyfriends have learned various ways of coping with it by either leaving in inacceptance, or in acceptance by closing an eye (at times both eyes) to it. to this day, questions leading to 'why do men cheat?' are still swirling in the media, in pubs with a few hard drinks or in any daily conversations over a cup of orange-flower tea. People have almost become experts in coping with infidelity by now, only theorectically. However, in a practical sense, most are not able to maintain a cool composure when 'the act' is first discovered, unless the feelings and all acts interalia on either side are vice versa.


Ratio of cheating : Men vs. Women

Surveys show that men have 60% chances higher in cheating compared to 30% of women. In the men's answers to the subjective section, reasons given on why did they cheat is, 'they usually can't control their eyes, hands and you-know-where, or they'll just do it when the opportunity arises'. While women's answers, comparitively, they only cheat when they have a valid reason to do so i.e. being abused / neglected.


Showdown : How to cope with it when it happens to you

One of the main things to cope as a victim of a cheat is to not blame yourself for driving the person to the act. It's the cheater (C) who has a problem, not you. You must never ever give C an avenue to hurt you more than he/she has already done so.

A victim of such betrayal of trust will never be the same ever again. Ears are pricked, and the feelings of walking on eggshells are a constant downside of it. However, you should know your self worth and be able to walk away if he has shown no signs of regret, remorse, or re-whatever.

Most cheaters do not admit to them having 'wronged' you. They will try to put a 'right' to all the 'wrongs'. Some are quick with their 'sorries' and truly mean it, but some just say it to not get into more trouble and hurt they've already done unto you.

Be prepared to hear the C's favourite line, "I don't know", but continue to stay calm. If you kept seeing red and can't be calm, make sure the cheater knows that you are entitled to be hurt for being betrayed.

Perk your ears and focus on C's actions and words. Do they match? If they do not, heed the red light and that loud siren that's going off like an ambulance at the back of your head. Scoot as fast as you can. If you are the 'let's give him / her a second chance' type, make sure that you will not go on a third. Stay alert at all times as Cs have a tendency to repeat past mistakes whenever you become complacent by trusting them too much! If you can't take the pressure of being kept on your toes on such undeserving things, just pack up and go as well - there are better partners out there who'll appreciate as you.

Never, ever retaliate by hitting the C, because it only makes the cheater feels good for being 'punished' for whatever wrong. There shouldn't be any punishment administered by you, kill the C with kindness if you can do it. 'Kindness' doesn't mean that C's forgiven and being let off the hook easily.

If the C has a conscience, he / she will want to fight for you and earn your trust back. Otherwise, pack up and go - there are better things in the world than to be stuck in a rut with someone who only thinks his / her feelings, needs and desires matter AND not yours.


The Final Word

There is never a set of successful ways that'll work 100%. Though the above mentioned are amongst the few things that one must have in mind while sussing out a cheater (C). Sometimes a variety of ways are administered and I believe that not everything needs to be published here as it'll only train the C to be cleverer in manipulating and also camouflaging. Feel with your guts and be prayerful at all times.

The Provider above us all will not let anyone suffer more than what he/she can bear. God knows how much it hurts when one is a victim of betrayal / C. In reference to the Bible, Christ even went through that in regards to Judas. He knows how much it hurts us to be betrayed. No one gets away with anything without having to stand in God's judgement and wrath. The truth prevails for those who seek His face.

If Godliness is not your thing, you had better find something else that you can trustworthily fall back on. I'm kept sane in regards to the topic because I fell back on my belief in God's providence.