I stand in awe

Today marks the 10th day after one of the worst catastrophe on earth. I spent hours and days in totality of prayer time, dedicating specific focus to God to comfort the survivors and give peace to the souls that are usurped on the 26th December 2004. My waking moments are sombre, and my heart heavy with compassion and a need to help in some form of way. I sought for ways to donate, in prayers first, and then followed by monetary donations and products.

The images that I see and feel in my mind, soaked up all the empathy I have within, leaving my soul dry and my body weak. Yet, I still stand in awe, breathing in sweet fresh air, seeing and feeling joys and sorrows. It's a strange feeling, and I am learning from everything, experiencing the providence of God, understanding the importance of being moulded and disciplined in life through trials that did not rob me of my life, but gave me a new lease in life. I am blessed, and my eyes are opened. Such revelation will bring responsibilities, and I am willing to be responsible.

My mind went back to the book of Revelation that I read and took for granted ages ago - The prophesies of end days. Though I shuddered at more than half of the prophesies that has already happened on earth, I am still grateful that I am alive. The recent catastrophe was too, written in there. Read this as part of a partial narration of the book of Revelations that I could find in the internet.

My tears sting the back of my eyes at the thought of being blessed to be given time to repent and appreciate the little things around me. My compassion and empathy has taken a new turn when I look around me, of people that I see, from the forgiveness of myself first and also to those around me. Such great mercy and grace that I have experienced, that has filled me with new eyes and feelings.

I looked back retrospectively into the past, and learn to apply the learned wisdom from God's providence into my current life. In faith that my current life, will snowball into a future of Godliness that will be blessed till the end of time. I know the responsibilities in this, as the walk will not be an easy one, but relying on God's promises that He will not abandon me gives me a Will to continue in joy. Just by knowing and believing that half my burden is shared by just believing in Christ, I know that I will be able to bear the pains administered by the world and secular ways. There will be a silver lining in every cloud, no matter how grey and gloomy the cloud is - a perception of a positive future is a must.

I look at my parents, uncles, aunties and many other parents of friends and acquaintances alike, they are too, blessed with the longevity of life, an abundance of time, a life lived in full. I too see my contemporaries, and many younger lives and new borns, they have experienced the breath of life.

The breath of life, is a breath of the beginning to live. I am not talking about 'being alive' per say, there are many people who are born in this world, but they are like walking corpses. They do not know where they are going, what they want to do, they are coerced by the ways of the world, depending on the natural sinful nature of man. The beast within, the sins of the flesh, an old self that will demonstrate its destructive pleasure-seeking capacity.

Knowing the works of Godliness within, I too find myself turning away from my old self. An old self that should have passed away, the one that hints of bitterness and ways of the world. Seeing this differene, I know my eyes are now opened, the understanding that the void within is to be filled by the spirit of God. That is the experience of understanding the beginning of Grace. With this, it comes with a responsibility of not living just for myself, and it also involves life-long process of trials that is for the good in us to grow. Eventhough there will be pain in this good, the pain will be good for us in this maturing in Christ process. A growth that will know no words, but a submission in praise and worship to the Sovereign. My mind is now, playing that song I sang when I was 18, 'I stand in awe of you' . With this, I'll leave you to your thoughts.