The Art of Philandering

In the past, the word philander is only applicable to men who would have a lot of casual sexual relationships with women. These days, it's not only men who fall into the above mentioned category, but lots of women too. The world has gone chaotic and way too hedonistic just to appear 'cool' to others to have the 'number' escalating. Do conquests matter? How shallow!

Right, is there an 'art' to it? Since it's such a common thing these days, and there's a group at large out there who are not even ashamed to admit to it, or are actually proud that they could get away with it! If this is so, there must be an art to it since one can channel his / her energy in doing all these rather than 'investing' into just one partner and really, really make things work... or just to preserve oneself and save up just for that one special person.

There are different types of philandering - some just cheat when they already have partners, married or are in a relationship. While some go on serial sex sprees but 'keep things clean' by flitting from one 'flower' to the next - like bees draining nectar / pollen. So, which form of philandering's worse?

Yeah, everyone has a need to be accepted and loved by someone else. Some have this extra bit of gnawing need that the gap can only be filled with affairs or even philandering! Maybe it's all about having an ego boost by philandering - could that be an answer to some? Is it truly an answer to self-fulfilment or it's just a sad case of being in denial? Familiar lame and blatant excuses for doing either ranges from having a naggy to non-nymphomaniac wife or girlfriend (hey, even boyfriends / husbands too!). While in the case of a woman - having a loser boyfriend / husband back home (as read in many magazines and some undisclosed confessions from people I know). Some even give galling statements such as 'women or men tempting them' to do it... a pressure or some crazy need to quench their curiosity to 'try everything at least once'. It's all in the act of denial, I'd say! Some say it makes them appreciate their men / women more at the end of the day... but how silly to be experimenting oneself in such a way! I believe that guilt goes a long way, and it doesn't matter how one may put it as if they are 'over and done with it'... but they actually have recurring thoughts about 'things as they were'... creating their own mixed ups and hurting people who actually love them!

Well, that aside, it's just really interesting (if not disgusting) to see how some believe that they can completely compartmentalise their feelings to 'just sex minus the feelings'... having successfully come out clean from it doesn't mean that one is 'clean'... the taste of a forbidden fruit stays imbedded deep in the soul. Though some have found a new lease in life by 'changing' through a 'true love' or via a religious sect. Hey come on, such men or women should just admit that they don't want to control what goes on from the pew downwards and treat 'sex and love' as separate entities.

Sex and love as separate entities... in this case, let's look into gender differences. A majority of men are better at being pragmatic about compartmentalising, while most women are just too emotional to separate these two. As the gap of gender equality grows closer with equal job opportunities and women's emancipation, such women in this category who play the field should just get real with the fact that there'll never be true equality by proving that they can be like men in this department! Sad to say that most of the female gender eventually muck up the sex and love connection by mashing them together! In actual fact, though many will not agree at this stage till they muck up their lives, every human being long for stability and some form of decency before they expire. For goodness sake, even gigolos and prostitutes want to be decent at the end of the day!

Right, back to philadering... my thoughts about this is that the basic art of it is that to be a philaderer you must possess the following 10 characteristics (you may beg to differ - but I don't give a toss!) :

1) Be completely self-centred - only your feelings, needs and desires matter!
2) Be a compulsive liar
3) Be unbothered about ruining others' lives to experience true love just because you don't have it
4) Be upfront with seeking pleasure at all cost (hedonism at it's peak)
5) Be outdated by thinking that sexually transmitted diseases are kept at bay if contraception's used
6) Be continuously uneducated to the fact that you'll never get caught
7) Be blind to the meaning of loyalty, trustworthiness and everything that's moralistic
8) Be in a transient and irresponsible stage all your life and never commit to anything that till you lose it (but it's too late!)
9) Be unrelentlessly thick by believing that you are just having a good time while it lasts
10) Be a true cynic on the old saying : 'what comes around, goes around'

Well, it's interesting to know and see some who can be so cold about going through the motions without emotions. Beats me how they do it (I'm sure they think about it especially when some of their loved ones are being 'philandered' or perhaps they'll only come to realise it when they experience the downside of philandering at the end of the day! But hey, do these people have a conscience or it's just to bolster the low self-esteem? Hmmm...they must be really lonely 'up there' to be so full-on into servicing 'downstairs department' just to stay away from the real world of being an emotional being. Aren't we all habitual and emotional beings at the end of the day in spite of thinking that we can be very pragmatic and realistic? How many times do we need to be proven that we as flawed beings cannot be in full control and have everything that sails according to how and what we want at all times? So, could philandering be an act of insecurity with a front that says "I'm in control of myself and can do anything I want without getting caught"... So, what say you?