Who is getting a Cold Feet Syndrome?

Nope, we're not talking just about the weather that makes our phalanges cold and having a medical syndrome, but the other type - a sudden undecisiveness that involves the future, which makes one suddenly feel like doing a runner to escape from a commitment or being committed.

Sometimes I wonder whether it's a gender thing, or it's a particular ersonality thing - in regards to having cold feet. Perhaps I am just cursed with facing anyone I love who occasionally gets the cold feet? Or perhaps I'm the one who's too determined and intense. Could either be diagnosed as a syndrome? However, experience-wise, it seems so to me that it's only natural to look forward to the future to know where one will be, while the cold feet bits... I have no blinking idea.

Somehow, I have hardly seen the opposite gender's emotions going from a gradual tone down of hot to hot-lukewarmish to lukewarm, then move on from luke warm to luke warmish cold, then to cold, and then to a total freezing point. It's always from sizzling hot to a sudden freezing point. Imagine going into the shower and turning on the hot tap a tad bit too quick, scalding your skin and you start doing the mexican jelly bean dance and yelping 'ouch ouch' in rhythm with the pitter-patter of hot sprays... and then quickly turn on the cold tap in hope to quickly neutralise the hot water and it turns out to be freezing cold and you turn blue and stiff, going "brrrrr". How's that for a feeling - nobody likes that... but it's interesting that the administrator of those feelings do not feel for what the "administrated to" ones feel.

Of course, there are extreme ones that I've come across as well, as in a marriage proposal that I've received at the age of 21. That one scared the blinkers out of me, and I did experience a total 'turned off' feeling which may be the closest to 'having a cold feet' - because this 26 year old guy, whom I fancied some and was at the preliminary dating stages of just going out for lunches-and-movies-kind-of-dates that doesn't involve spit-swapping, seemed to be in a great big rush to settle down. My first suspicion was that he must have mommy issues (thinking marriage will solve it all) and wanting to control everything about me. He was bloody controlling, began dictating what I should wear and whom I should see and whom I should talk to. Scary, that one - a control freak! He even involved the pastor and my friends... I did a big runner and disappeared, change church, my phone number and even moved to another location and changed colleges! LOL That was extreme!

Ah... it is an interesting thing to look / study such quizzical emotions, sometimes quite inter-arresting as well. One may think that as one grows older, such syndrome tapers off due to one's realisation of needs and wants for the future. Nah, it doesn't seem to always work that way. and I think leopards don't really change it's spots? Nevertheless, older as I am now, my mindset has changed. As for most men (friends and acquaintances alike), it seemed that even if their women bang the Bible on their men's heads, hoping that the verses would rain down their heads and seep through their scalp pores to be imbedded into their brains on what's the rightful thing that God has created for us human beings to be to be part of His Will in fulfilling the big puzzle of a plan.

Nevertheless, on my end, at least I've tried my best to make things work for the better with a clear mind and prayed hard for God's invisible hands to support me when I'm hurt and weak. Over time, I felt God's bestowed wisdom in some ways in dealing with all these patiently and lovingly, and that's the only consolation I have for myself. I'm thinking if I had prayed for strength, I'd use it to stranggle the man due to endless unecessary frustrations he has inflicted upon me and rocking the boat for no particular acceptable reason. To be patient or not to be patient with this one? Or rather, am in a situation where I am a patient of the heartache department, or a shrink to my patient, the cold feet one? I will soon see what will unfurl... *angie peeling her eyes to observe*

Then again, this can be read to be amongst life's storms in my journey of life... I'm human, and I'm easily bruised and hurt... in where I'm once again reminded that the heavenly Father will always want me to stay close to Him when my heart is hurting so that He can impart His renewing strength and healing love for me to recover.