Unstorybook life

Noseying around the internet for ol' friends can be quite interesting? I'm sure that's how a few old friends found my blog anyway! Hah! Though I'm a veteran with computers, it still never crossed my mind that I would do such a search, not even out of curiousity? I suppose nostalgia and pre-marital preparations can make one go off-center? Whatever?

Today, one of my old Sabahan friends and I were talking about ol' classmates of my sister's batch. We brought up one name after another and we did a search together in both facebook and good ol' google. We found pictures befitting of a particular person and read all the stuff that he has to write - what a discovery!

With this finding as a warm-up session, I transported myself back to my school days, and remembered my growing years. I began recalling faces and names - mostly forgotten for a couple of decades. Googling for them were fun. Of course, I hit jackpot on some? Then I started thinking about 'what has happened to the boys that I used to have a massive crush on during my growing years?' To my delight, I found a picture or two, and of course, some info on what they are up to these days, careerwise and also their hobbies. I smile as I read, and think of how changed we are as grown ups, as I still remember the things these blokes and I quarrel or talk about even, and I giggled myself silly when I remembered imagining myself being with them, and marrying them and have the little Angelas and little *names deleted* running around - how sweet to be seen as childhood sweethearts that made it down the aisle. Then I caught myself having the same giggle that I have had in those days! Funny.

Interesting enough, I have no bad memories of these blokes eventhough we had our differences and were immature to the boot. Nothing would have or even could have worked out then. Still, looking at their pictures on the net, I can't help but to feel proud of them as they've grown into fine, good-looking men - they definitely carry themselves very well in those pictures.

I guess growing out of them is just part of growing up as well. I've never dated any of them. Basically, who they actually are and what kind of persons they are in relationships, I will never know, and somehow there's no gnawing need for me to wonder either. I'm just contented with not knowing and hope that they are happy. With this, I realised that moving on with life was my forte, and I've always rolled on to find the niche in life which doesn't really include relationships, and interestingly, this also affected my choice of men, and it has to be those that can fit into my life and what I want to do. There was just so much that has gone through an evolution from puppy love days to real-life dating days, and they just must fit into my schedule.

So, I mapped the changes from then to now. I saw the evolution of my perceptions, emotions and experiences of good, bad and average days, linking up what went on then, and how my choices and pathways were shaped, career-wise, family-wise, friendship-wise and loverelationship-wise. Indeed, love was the last of all priorities.

I used to wonder what took me so long to decide whom I want to settle with, and I now see why and how I am with Martin today. I have to go through many lessons in life to even know myselef better, and how I met Martin is also so God-sent, and I'm a God-send to him too, mind you! I couldn't fit him into my schedule, and I learned to reschedule my life and reprioritise, and of course he didn't catch on till much later, and I'm glad I persevered.

For a while now we've been chiming "Martin's the best", and I've learned over time to say likewise to him, "Angela's the best." Indeed, we are the best for each other. It's interesting to come to a point where you want to be with each other for the rest of your lives, for better or for worse eventhough we know we are flawed beings and can have the most ridiculous rows and glaring differences.

As for my couple of hours of net adventure in search for the past that both sparked and also dimmed, I'm just really ready to settle down with just 'the one' man. No wonder they say love is strange and it needs lots of work to accept, compromise and live unfairy-tale-like. Perfect that he is not, as he's imperfect in many ways. I suppose that's what makes him so special and how much I think he's imperfectly perfect for the imperfectly perfect little moi. That's how unstory-book our lives will always be and that'll always be our version of a real-life love story.