Practical impracticalities
Ideals and expectations are sometimes solely individualistic in a household and anywhere in the world. The four corners of the earth (God knows why people use 'quarters' when the world is actually round, but what the heck, I'll just use it to rhyme on with what I have to say).
Now, I have to thus far, notes from all over, after looking at things and have had my own little musings and thoughts after processing them all i.e. ingesting, chewing and digesting alike. I am looking at the frameworks of what's the common practises of 'being considerate' and 'being inconsiderate' as a whole.
Sometimes, the expectations of what's practical and impractical based on what's 'considerate' and 'not considerate' of others - the imposing of it all are again, individualistic, hah!
I revisited the word 'Selfish' under the oxford dictionary time and again and have never failed to see new dimensions and meanings popping up, making considerate inconsiderations as mind-boggling as practical impracticalities. Let's begin in an order from the inward to outward bits from my observations so far:
Headquarters
When by tradition, a head of the house (usually a father who actually wears his own pants rather than giving his wife the pants) eventually practices the old frameworks of what has been practised by his father before him. What succeeded in terms of it's theories, practicals in the past, is considered obsolete in today's modern settings. All these boils down to individual wants and legacy of having 'done well' to unite the family. It's not all about being considerate, it's about being practical to unite a family, forefront.
Such practicalities of the past, of course, is not agreeable by my post-modern-fundamentalist-left-wing-wannabe-mind-set. Such is when a watered-down-Chinese without Chinese education perceives the world.
My siblings and I love our traditions, but we chuck out the bits that are no longer applicable so that we progress to be better people with an upgraded lifestyle instead of living in the past as if the conveniences were never created. If we are to stick to them all, we might as well redefine our race to be the Amish.
Then again, the watered-down bits, even without the Chinese education fragment in me still screams, 'be a filial daughter'. I can speak this much of 'likeness' to my sister, but not of my brother.
The result of this is that my sister and I still pander around my father due to his old age and old nerves, and made his practicalities (which we find impractical) to be practical at the forefront and bite our lips to go through it all. Imagine how much counselling sessions we have to do for ourselves. We are our own shrinks and patients at the same time. Great to play dual roles!
My frankness is as per usual, a tad bit more caustic than my sister's. Having a second-child syndrome does make one more caustic for some reason. Anyway, that's another story altogether, and let's get back to the impracticalities and practicalities and also what's considerate and inconsiderate in regards to 'headquarters'.
Now, drawing up and linking up explanations in old metaphors and idioms to help the older genderation understand the thoughts and actions of the generation below is about the most difficult task on earth. Not to mention, we go logger-heads most of the time, but sometimes over time, 'the message' goes through the 'ego system'... BUT not every issue is ironed out, and not every explanation is accepted, but at least my heart is free of the burden once my burden is verbalised and expulged from my gap. Now, in a way, I see it as a form of selfishness on my end as well, because I just want to gain my 'freedom' ... eventhough my words rattle my poor Papa's brain. As those who know, most of the mess has roots going way back to the little Napoleon in the household.
Head-quartets within the Headquarters
Of course, the formation of the little Napoleon in the household is still ongoing thanks to my father's sense of practicality that has caused this mess, while mama has her contributions too. Big discussions between my father, my mother, my sister and I have been going on about how to de-form Napoleon. Nope, it's not a consipiracy, but a crisis management.
We have now become the Head-quartets... where four of our heads are put together to think of ways to iron out the rift between Napoleon and I (it's because I'm the only one staying with him now). We all take our turns of being disliked and picked on, as long as we are near him, physically. This brother of mine, can only be loved at a distance.
Anyhow, it's too late to make Napoleon as a considerate individual now, because so much inconsiderate impracticalities he has practised have gone unmonitored over the years. Again, thanks to my parents, who have over-indulged him, and also have made the sisters to this brother - training of superdaughters and supersisters to plot their lives around the newly crowned emperor of the Yong family.
My parents, as I'd like to term them as 'Head-doublets', since the years have fused their individual thoughts to one-ness, and also their physical looks and facial expressions to reflect each other more - anyway, they have allowed Napoleon to get away with all sorts of unimaginable inconsiderate impracticalities that made him a spoilt brat.
Moreover, 'fairness' to head-doublets is also a communist theory - to distribute finances equally amongst the strong and the weak, more-educated and less-educated. Sis and I are bigger breadwinners than Napoleon, hence, household power has to be given more to Napoleon. This goes with monies as well, where sis and I have been obligated to channel to help Napoleon to form his little empire - namely the house in PJ and all that is under Papa's legacy. Somehow, this empire and legacy will in time protect the 'investors', namely sis and I. Till this day, sis and I still fail to understand this theory, eventhough it has been implemented and we are made to be submissive to Papa's great idea of 'how to unite a family'.
My sister and I have been trained and brought up as to 'do everything' as 'we cannot depend on others to help us'. It's strange, we were never allowed to play the 'damsel in distress' game. *shrug*... but we don't doubt our father's love for us, as he does very much! We can't blame him for giving more affection to our brother due to the unequal distribution of power. This made sis and I think, "aren't the boys supposed to protect the girls, why does it have to be the other way for us?"
Anyway, in some impractical reasoning, power to the son is to enable the son to protect the daughters as this is practised by my father's father before him and mapping all the way up the lineage... it worked then... and daughters were deprived of education then to be submissive etc. But why are sis and I educated and trained to be such superdaughters and supersisters that work, cook, clean and do all negotiations on any transaction under the roof and outside the roof thus far, and made to submit to our brother in spite of our bigger earning power and abilities to survive? According to Papa, it's because he knows that sis and I can always earn the money back, and have a mule-headed will to see through things... and Napoleon does not possess this skill. What a bummer, I want a reverse role!
Anyway, sis and I would not mind what our father has implemented, if only Napoleon is not filled with grumbles that 'the sisters are not doing enough'... and being all ungrateful and raising his voice on us... We have been trying for decades to help head-doublets see the problem, that the power lopsiding bestow-ment to the son will not make the son any more responsible and protective over their daughters. It's just plain ain't working.
Problems were, and are never solved. We are counselled to consider the practicalities in Napoleon's impracticalities and inconsiderableness.
The result today is that both sis and I have been inconvenienced and are still expected to be obligated to sacrifice. Don't ask me 'why the obligation', and it goes back to filiality again! Please don't make me repeat this whole filiality story...
Anyway, it's just an eye opener to what extent the impracticalities will reach, and the continuous nod-nod-a-nodding on both the daughters' will make our heads loll and roll in time before it actually falls off.
Napoleon, in the making, has become the king of the house but has yet to reach the garden and backyard. Expectations a-plenty, while he sets his feet up on the coffee table and busies his thumb on the TV controller to flip channels on the TV. While at the same time, Napoleon's Josephine has taken over my role, and is on the competition to outdo my role by being extra pandering and extra sacrificial. Sader still, over time, she has becoming more and more mousy, hurrying in and out of the house to prepare all housework and placing cooked food on the table to please little Napoleon. *Angie gags*
My father is allowed such pandering as he is of a different generation and the consolation for this is that he loves his siblings and children unconditionally. Both sister and I know that this is a double standard viewpoint from our end as in 'letting Papa get away, while Bro is not allowed to'. We have our reasons, hear, hear. This cannot be allowed to apply to little Napoleon, who wants to contain the old traditions of the impractical Chinese-ego but mix it with modern theories of 'nuclear family' lifestyle. As you may know, such mixes so well as to water and oil! Nope, both sister and I cannot see the emulsion of this, but Papa and Mama do for some unknown reason.
In keeping the unity of the family, my father has drawn up a plan to plump up Napoleon's power by clipping the daughters' financial wings in all creative ways, in hope that it will also domesticate us to see the beauty of local men and accept the impracticalities as practicalities and practise them all with false content-hood and a smile just because we are his daughters and his mother and sisters have practised such and we are to carry on with the tradition. The smile and the perception of beauty of course, belongs to the happy and the eye of the beholder, but the 'happy' and the 'beholder' is sadly neither my sis nor myself. Can't see us in fitting Papa's plans for this unity.
*Unhappy* is not exactly a word to coin the condition and situation of neither sis nor I. We are still happy, but in a different way in a world of our own. Such has alarmed Papa, and this fear has trickled down to little Napoleon as well. In desperation to force unity within the headquarters, my dear father tried to conquer more of our land of happiness so that we are completely compliant to Papa's framework of unity - his practical impracticalities.
Compliance it will never be. Cooperation is negotiable. Comfort is half-past-six. All in all, we're tolerating and surviving, but still unbelievably doting sisters to Napoleon and loving daughters to father. Indeed, we're more Chinese than we wish to be. How confusing!
Outerquarters within the Headquarters
The house is finally free of occupants from the outside. Our things are now solely used by those who own and paid the capital of all things, lock stock and barrel. No longer shiny and new as they used to be, they are all still usable - whatever that's left and deemed to be still usable after the ex-occupant has visited them.
The Occupant has a different set of practical impracticalities in where Napoleon and I join forces to agree that it's not agreeable! Yes, a rare alliance formed to counter the common enemy.
Every single thing in the house and conveniences are bargained for and also discounted by the occupant (as housemates do share bills and also replace old things that pass away in the presence of all those who are staying together in the same household at that period of time). However, that is not deemed to be practical to the occupant - splitting hairs based on unit of usage by the Yong side has to be calculated, while those from her end should not be calculated. How considerate?
Such calculativeness never visited the Yong family till the arrival of the occupant. The alliance felt disadvantaged upon the quipping of 'how disadvantaged the occupant felt'. The alliance came up with so much ammunition at the point of 'negotiation' that the occupant finally felt 'advantaged' by our 'disadvantaged position' of being so kind to her. Hence, the talk of dollars and cents came to a cease when the occupant could see how much she has 'gained' and 'saved' monetarily from our inconvenieces. This triggered the unknown 'calculative' button of the alliance, and we realised how much of a fungus and parasite the occupant has been. The pressure is on - we sent her packing within 3 months.
Somehow, all these inconsiderate 'negotiations' are deemed as practical by the occupant who sees a price tag to everything that she does, and sees an FOC tag to everything else that belongs to this house, including services.
Let's look at the framework of the occupant's mindset - she expects to use everything free of charge since a rent is paid. Rent in this sense, is such a small fee that stands next to free, the occupant is either too damp to see it, or she wanted to 'try' and take further advantage of the alliance's kindness.
Family of the occupant too, thinks that the Yongs should be responsible to look after the occupant in spite of the occupant's age. Looks as if our age is at a different leverage to the age of the occupant's age according to the occupant's family. Another bizarre discovery. More impracticalities for us to deal with upon knowing this.
Somehow, from another source, who is a simbiont to the occupant in friendship, but not in ethics explained to us that 'practical' to the occupant is equating her stay in the house as staying in a hotel - as one pays a convenient fee to enjoy all services. This one-time fee covers all bases. This is a gratitude with no gratuity. Complaints of 'not enough' is to get her money's worth. So, the alliance of Napoleon and I have learned the subjectivity of 'enough' is actually 'not enough' due to an individual's selfishness. How bizarre, and how sad it is to be kind to the ungrateful... and even sadder is when a friend is a friend indeed. The occupant is now taken out of the alliance 'friends list'.
It's hard enough to deal with impracticalities within the headquarters, but having to deal with those outside of this parameter is an added stress. No more tenants ever again - we welcome none from now on - we shall now be inconsiderate to other's needs to 'need to stay with us'.
Multiple-quartered people
After observing and collecting notes from all over, I find that even at my work place, church, acquaintances and amongst my very personal friends, they share different levels of quarters to what is practical, impractical, considerate and inconsiderate.
For some reason, some I could get along with eventhough our personalities do not overlap, at times we just don't. I see it as part of life - the practical impracticalities and impractical practises of life! We get along best with those who share the same considerableness and inconsiderableness. Perhaps that is a lesson on being practical!
Another note to consider... I find even more bizarre things going on ... as in 'surprisingly', some prefer to knock off points from my opinion and the way I am. Their reason? --> because I'm not Chinese educated, while some added points to my abilities for what they lack. How practical is that? Very odd indeed?
I wonder, where is the balance between accepting differences and knowing when to be kind? Unkindness knows no odds of what's to be accepted... everything is to be not accepted to have 'one upmanship' for some practical reason? I fail to see it? So, what's seen to be practical can be proven to be impractical for some unknown reason, and the same applies, vice versa. That's the art of winning at all cost - to be inconsiderate of other's feelings and differences!
What's winning and losing all about at the end of the day? Is life so much on a competitive edge? Is there a rule of thumb for what's practical and impractical, and what's considerate and inconsiderate?
Equating the quarters to form one-ness
Some share a quarter of what I have, and some 2-quarters / 3-quarters... and some none! Whatever it is, and what we possess, it all boils down to how one is nurtured and how nature has formed them? I'm not saying that anyone who does not share the same quarters as I do, are deprived of being wholesome etc. It takes several wholesome individuals to work on anything as a team and in partnership i.e. different skills tapped to contribute to a project, a task, even friendship etc? We can still be wholesome in spite of being different, and to form a 'one-ness' in team spirit. Is this so hard to achieve?
Hypothesis on all quarters
What is deemed to be practical can be impractical in the end, and what's impractical can be made practical in the end. Likewise, what's inconsiderate can be viewed as considerate and vice versa.
So, where's the balance in 'getting along'? Whatever happened to forming a happy community. It's sad that the world needs a 'leader' to bring people together and meet halfway to make things work? Why can't everyone have a little leadership within themselves to come together in one considerableness and practicality to work things out?
I am just stalled from time to time while putting my notes together - how the thoughts processing departments vary amongst each individual. I wonder what has happened to being considerate of differences and not gain conveniences out of someone's misery and misfortune. Will considerableness over-rule practicalities, in where practicalities sometimes know no kindness? Does 'being considerate' exist these days, anyway?
