Did you just watch a movie?

That question is taken verbatim as spilled from the man's mouth. I just said, "Hello my darling" when he answered the phone, and he was taken aback, shocked and probably find it horrifying when I showered him this endearment. How romantic, not!

My answer to the question is, "No"... and he said "ok"... and I quipped, "Can't I use endearments with you?". His answer? - "You can do whatever you want". What a bummer!

Here I am, under 2 days shy of 3 months to 'our' wedding, and this is how he sounds. Makes me wonder whether I made the right choice to marry this man as he's already behaving this way before we are married! I'm not overtly romantic, but I'd appreciate just a small dose of appreciation from him.

It's no wonder that his mother has always advised me not to take in everything he says, as he likes to 'test' and 'try' people with his whims and fancies just to see what's the response... So, I'd better take his mama's advise, else I'd drown in my own vomit. Mothers do know best sometimes!

What makes me wonder is that whenever he says things, he wants my 100% attention, and while what I say is just being tuned off. So, where's the fairness to this? No wonder my mother says that sometimes I need to learn to pretend and be less honest. If he finds out I'm not honest, then he gets mad. If I'm too honest, he'd be a pain. So much contradiction!

If everything I have to say seems to be wrong, then I might as well not say a thing! What's there left to say when you have dead-end responses such as what he's giving? So, everything I say must be of his territory of interest? So, what has happened to my own interests? Do they not carry any water these days?

I miss those days when we were friends, as he was much more polite and sweeter. These days, I find him rude at most times, unsavoury to the boot! So, this the man I'm going to marry in months' to come? God help me!

Chasing my own tail

Damn, I just want to bitch about this whole visa process. I can see why agents are paid to do all the paperworks for visas. After running in circles for months to end... firstly, I sweated over the forms and the beau's cooperation in getting them filled up on time. Then I sweated over the whole Notice of Intended Marriage form in which I had to bug our priest to get it done. Whe nit's all done, I found that I need to lodge the sponsor's form as well... which needs properly certified copies of the man's personal documents. Before I knew it, my certificate of good conduct from TN is not valid for the visa process *pukes blood*

Yes, right now I find the biggest pain in the process is obtaining the 'certificate of good conduct' from countries that I've resided in for more than 12 months in the past 10 years. I firstly thought that it would be the Malaysian side of things that would delay me, but no, no, no... it's the freaking US of A. I cannot, cannot stand the individualised procedures that every department in the US has. Firstly, I thought any investigation would do, so I headed off to apply my certificate of good conduct from the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation. They sent me 3 pieces of notarised certificates but the contents were crap as they implied that due to my fingerprints not being taken, they could not verify whether I've had any crime record! Apart from this, I was told by the rep that it'll be better if I could provide a US address for the results to send to... and I provided my sister's addie and specifically told them to make sure that the letter is addressed to me, but mail it to my sister's address in the US.... AND guess what they did? They printed my name on the letter, but address is my sisters! This makes me look like some bogus! No wonder the HiComm reps cocked an eyebrow at me when reading this stupid letter... and it ain't cheap obtaining it... and I really don't want to get into the waiting time... more than 6 freaking weeks and a stupid report is given!

Now that I've gotten the pointers to head towards FBI department... I downloaded all the necessary instructions and had everything notarised for the process of getting a CGC from the FBI... I went cross-eyed doing my fingerprints for the FBI check... practising how to print rolled and flat fingerprints (a total of 20 little prints) on a piece of card. You can have all the prints perfectly done but mess up your pinky print... and you have to chuck the whole piece out again. Oh, let me get to the 'getting the right ink' part... took me ages... even had to contact the CID dept at Bukit Aman for info on where to get such ink. All in all, fingerprinting process alone took me 3 days - and my fingers were ink-stained for days, making me look like some mechanic who has grease stuck under his fingernails.

Apart from this, I have to get all my photocopies of identity proof notarised/certified by the commissioner of oath/advocate/solicitor... and I was lucky enough to discover that my ex land lady is a Notary Public! Thank God! So, this cut down my running about time! What a pain!

Now, I'm beginning to sweat over the whole medical check-up and x-ray thingie, as I couldn't get through to the panel of doctors...their phones are either engaged, or when it's through, I get the fax machine. It's a dead-end process... so today, I had a big day out searching for the SS2 clinic and found it... and saw the signage and noted the limited hours they are open for business. Makes me wonder why does the HiComm make it so difficult? Why? Why? Why?

Sigh... all I can say is that I can't wait to send in all the rest of the documents that I owe the HiComm at the end of this month. Then it'll be a waiting game... waiting, waiting, waiting for the interview and then the hopeful approval. Uprooting is no joke... it's incredibly stressful... and I've not even looked into packing yet... I don't think I'd be a very pretty bride by the time this whole thing is over... I'd probably have lots of greys sprouting from the head... Sigh... It's time that I get some good rest and stop chasing my own tail... I need to take care of myself once again and look forward to being a radiant bride.